You're Not Alone- My Miscarriage Story
Seeing that positive test can be one of the best feelings in the world! It can also be one of the scariest, especially to a first time mom. My husband and I decided back in November of 2016 that we were going to start trying for baby number one. I was so confident that within a month or two, I would get to see that plus sign instead of being visited by the oh so generous Aunt Flo. My mom, aunt and grandma all knew we were trying and kept saying "If you're anything like me, it won't take more than a few tries before you pregnant!" Man, did this set me up for failure. Month after month, I had negative tests. Month after month, I grew more and more disappointed. I kept asking myself, "what is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?" One app I used that was super helpful was Ovia. I used it while trying to get pregnant, during and after. It's free and has a lot of great resources!
Finally, at the end of March, I got my positive! I was so excited. I took multiple tests to be sure and yes! There it was! I couldn't believe it! I went to the doctor, they confirmed and all was well I'm the world. We told our closest friends and immediate family. We couldn't stand it!
And then, about 3 weeks later, the worst thing happened. I was out of town on a retreat, 10 hours away and I started bleeding. A lot. I went to my hotel to rest and while the bleeding had lightened, it didn't stop. Two days later I went into doctor for an ultrasound and they found nothing. Just an empty uterus. My heart dropped and my stomach sank. So many questions ran through my head. The doctor told me it was a "chemical pregnancy" which essentially means there was no actual embryo forming and for some odd reason, that made it easier to cope. Slightly. We went home and I was in shock. This little baby who we already loved and were excited to meet just vanished.
It took a long time to get over this loss, rightfully so. For the following four months that followed, I would be more and more disappointed and discouraged. I couldn't understand why it was happening to me, no matter how common they are. It was heartbreaking. Then, on one beautiful, hot August day in 2017... I got my positive- and I was terrified. I couldn't handle another loss. Having a baby was something I wanted more than anything. This time, there was a happy ending. 11 months later, I sit writing this post with the most perfect little boy laying on my chest.